


love is looking for you

by lifeinabeautifullight



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Christmas, F/F, Secret Sanvers Secret Santa, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-25 03:14:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17113391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lifeinabeautifullight/pseuds/lifeinabeautifullight
Summary: 'I truly believe there’s someone out there for everybody, a soulmate.’ Again with the sunny optimism.Alex scoffs. ‘Everyone has a soulmate? C’mon, you really believe that?’‘I do, I really do,’ Kara nods. ‘Lots of people do. And not just on this planet. My mom once told me about this planet, it was so long ago that I can’t remember the name, but they believe that your most hated Christmas gift is what your soulmate most wanted but never got.’





	love is looking for you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TaFuilLiom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaFuilLiom/gifts).



> May your Christmas be merry, and your Sanvers be endgame :)))

Another night, another failed date.

The blonde head turns around the second she arrives home. ‘You’re back early.’

Alex dumps her purse, kicks off those awful heels and reaches for the glass of wine, downing it before slumping on the couch.

‘It went that well, huh?’ Kara offers a kind, sympathetic smile. ‘There’s always next time.’

‘No,’ Alex says firmly. ‘No, there is not because I’m never going on a date ever again.’

Her sister’s expression switches from sympathetic to curious. ‘What happened?’

‘Where do I even start?’ It’s not rhetorical, it’s genuine.

Kara scoots over the couch and wraps an arm around Alex’s shoulders.

‘Maybe I should’ve just stayed with Thomas.’

‘You weren’t happy with him, that was why you broke up, remember?’

Alex does remember; try as she might, she’d never forget the sad look on the guy’s face when she’d ended things, claiming that she needed to focus on her studies when, in reality, she’d called it quits because she didn’t really feel anything when they kissed or had sex. ‘Yeah but at least he was a decent guy, not some asshole who yells at a waitress for something that wasn’t her fault.’

‘Oh.’

‘And, whilst I don’t expect chivalry in this day and age, I think it’s just human decency to hold a door open for someone who’s struggling on crutches instead of slamming said door in said person’s face.’

Kara grimaces. ‘Yikes.’

‘I couldn’t hail a cab fast enough. He was such a jerk.’

‘He sounds it.’

‘And it’s enough to put me off dating for life.’

‘You don’t mean that.’

‘I do.’

‘You don’t,’ the Kryptonian counters, her usual brand of sunny optimism shining through. ‘There’s someone out there for you, and that someone is nice, polite and holds the door open for everybody.’

‘You mean Thomas?’ Thomas Schuldt, her college boyfriend, was nothing but nice and polite and was always putting others before himself. ‘Because that’s exactly what he was and yet I still wasn’t happy with him. Maybe it’s me that’s the problem.’

Kara shakes her head. ‘You’re not the problem.’

‘I’m twenty-five and my longest relationship lasted three months.’

‘So?’

‘So maybe I should just give up and focus my energy elsewhere.’ Unbeknownst to her sister, she’d recently started working for the DEO, a top-secret government agency that dealt with rogue extraterrestrials. It was a physically demanding job with crazy hours but she loved the challenge and protecting her country gave her a rush like no other. ‘Like work.’

‘No.’

‘Why? What’s wrong with that? I shouldn’t need a man to be happy and I absolutely shouldn’t be defined by a relationship.’

‘You are correct, absolutely correct, but Alex...you shouldn’t shut yourself off to the possibility of love either. I truly believe there’s someone out there for everybody, a soulmate.’ Again with the sunny optimism.

Alex scoffs. ‘Everyone has a soulmate? C’mon, you really believe that?’

‘I do, I really do,’ Kara nods. ‘Lots of people do. And not just on this planet. My mom once told me about this planet, it was so long ago that I can’t remember the name, but they believe that your most hated Christmas gift is what your soulmate most wanted but never got.’

Alex has to laugh at that. ‘I thought Christmas was strictly an Earth thing?’

‘It started on Earth but, over the years, travellers have brought the tradition back to other planets.’

‘I guess that makes sense...but the gift thing? Sorry but that’s silly. Like what? On a first date, I’m supposed to ask the guy if he wanted an Easybake Oven for Christmas?

‘You don’t have to--.’

‘Good as I’m not going to. Ever,’ Alex says firmly. ‘Because I’m never dating again.’

‘Alex…’

Alex waves her sister off. ‘No, it’s fine, alright? I can’t be bothered chasing it anymore, it’s not worth my energy. If it happens, it happens.’

 

*

A few years later, it happens.

And it takes her by surprise because that someone? That someone is a woman.

Maggie Sawyer, a cop in the NCPD’s recently founded Science Division, is charming, caring and gorgeous. So stunningly gorgeous that Alex never knows what to do everytime the detective smiles that smile where her eyes disappear and those cute dimple craters take up half her face - Maggie is her gay awakening not only by looking like _that_ but also by lending an ear and offering advice that ultimately makes Alex realize why she’d never been happy in past relationships.

She hadn’t been a problem.

She had just been a lesbian, one that’s currently reduced to a big gay mess by one Detective Sawyer.

_Those dimples, those goddamn dimples…_

Things start making sense now, including the confusing way she felt towards Vicky Dongahue, her high school best friend. Alex is shocked that it’s taken her this long to realize, a little embarrassed too but Maggie reassures her, tells her that it’s okay and encourages her to come out to Kara.

Kara fights against prejudice on a daily basis, yet Alex is still nervous about coming out to her, terrified of rejection but she pushes through her fears, driven by the confidence that Maggie’s helping to build.

She makes a mess of it, stuttering and then snapping as Kara tries to process the news. ‘This isn’t because I haven’t found the right guy.’

‘I never said it was, I’m just trying to understand, okay?’

Alex knows that she is, knows her sister would always be nothing but supportive and so she sits and shares a little, talking about Vicky before, feeling overwhelmed, she baulks.

Coming out to her sister, however, gives Alex the courage to take a chance in the hopes of finding something she thought would forever elude her.

She goes to the bar and kisses Maggie.

Maggie rejects her.

Alex feels humiliated and, once again, feels that she’s the problem and that maybe she’s just not meant to find love.

Then things happen.

Quickly, too.

A laser hits Maggie in battle and is mere centimetres away from killing her. It puts things into perspective and a wounded but healing Maggie shows up at Alex’s door that night with pizza, beer and an admission that Alex never thought she’d ever hear.

‘I...I was so stupid. I thought that, and I guess that I was kind of right, that you came out for me...and that scared me. But, um...but life is too short. And we should be who we are, and we should kiss the girls that we wanna kiss. And I really just...I wanna kiss you.’ And then she does just that, leaving Alex breathless and incapable of anything but a lame attempt at humour.

‘So you’re saying you like me? That’s what I got.’

The smile that engulfs Maggie’s face is the most beautiful thing that Alex has ever seen. ‘Of course, you’re not going to go crazy on me, are you?’

‘Probably, yeah,’ Alex says with a shy smile, reaching out to play with a few loose curls before going for it, her heart hammering in her chest with excitement as she kisses Maggie. She’s never felt like this before.

She’s never been this happy.

*

They go to the mall for their first date.

Alex feels giddy holding Maggie’s hand as they walk from shop to shop, only letting go when they need to peruse the shelves or racks.

‘How many leather jackets do you own?’

‘Not enough,’ Maggie flicks her hair out from under the collar of the jacket she’s trying on. ‘How do I look?’

‘Beautiful,’ Alex says breathlessly, prompting the detective to blush.

‘And the jacket?’

‘Yeah, it looks good too.’

That’s all the encouragement needed to make the purchase. They emerge from the boutique and Maggie spots the photobooth by the escalator. ‘You wanna?’

‘Duh.’

 

*

  
It’s March.

She’s been dating Maggie for over three months now, and it’s amazing how much her life has changed - her work/life balance is beginning to even out; she’s eating better which, in turn with her usual workouts, has put her in the best shape of her life; and, most importantly, there seems to always be a smile on her face.

All because of one person - the name that was currently flashing up on her phone.

Though it wasn’t Maggie on the other end of this call. ‘Is this Alex Danvers?’

Paranoia rears its head. ‘Who is this?’ Alex snarls.

‘Whoa easy,’ the man chuckles. ‘This is Danny, Danny West? I work with your girlfriend?’

‘Oh.’ However it doesn’t ease Alex’s concerns. ‘What’s wrong, is she--.’

‘She’s fine, don’t worry, but there was a minor incident at work and she’s currently at St Michaels. Dislocated shoulder, that’s all.’

Alex excuses herself from work and heads straight to the hospital.

She’s greeted by a very high detective. ‘Heeeeeeey, it’s my girlfriend!’

Alex rushes over, kissing Maggie’s forehead before taking hold of the hand that’s not in a sling. ‘Are you okay? How are you feeling?’

Maggie stares intently at her for a few seconds before blinking and replying with a very serious tone, ‘Floaty.’

Alex looks over at the nurse. ‘How long until she’ll be...uh, not _floaty_?’

‘It’s like I’m on a motherfucking clooooooud.’

Laughter threatens to erupt but Alex somehow manages to compress it to a small, very slight snort.

‘Not long,’ the nurse says. ‘The doctor just put her shoulder back in place about five minutes ago, so she’s still very much under the influence. It should wear off within the next thirty minutes.’

‘You should see the other guy.’

‘ _The other guy_?’ Alex frowns. ‘Don’t you mean _the_ _sidewalk_?’ Danny had filled her in on what had happened and it really was as mundane as a simple trip as she’d chased a suspect.

‘Yeah, well, I fucked it up real good, showed it who’s fucking boss.’

‘Of course you did,’ Alex smiles. ‘It won’t be messing with you anytime--.’

Maggie pulls her hand away and starts prodding Alex in the ribs.

‘Hey, whoa! Why are you doing that?’

‘And why do you hate Easybake Ovens?’

‘What?’

Maggie’s eyes narrow. ‘You really think I’d forget?’

‘Forget what?’

‘Your slander.’

‘What on earth are you talking about?’

‘When we first met...you said you had tech...tech--.’

Alex helps her out. ‘Technology?’’

‘Right…you said you had _technology_ that’d make ours look like an Easybake Oven. Like how dare you? Easybake Ovens are amazing.’

That quip at that airport hadn’t been intentional, her dislike of those things instinctively shining through as she’d lamented the NCPD’s limited resources. _And yet maybe, just maybe_ \--.

‘I always wanted one, put it on my Christmas list every year but noooooope, never got one because my parents said we already had an oven.’ She scoffs. ‘An oven that I was always _too young_ to use. Fuck ‘em.’

No _maybe_. It was a _yes_. It was too much of a coincidence to downplay, especially when she’d been thinking ever since she’d met this girl that there was something special about her and there it was, confirmation that this girl, Maggie Sawyer, was her soulmate.

Or so Alex had thought.

Many things happen in the months that follow: various near death experiences, declarations of love, an engagement and then, unexpectedly, an impasse.

Alex wants children.

Maggie does not.

After discussing it for days, they never really get anywhere and Alex is forced to be the one that says it. ‘We can’t be together.’

Maggie moves out that evening.

Alex sobs in her apartment for a good hour before heading to the bar, the Maggieless apartment already getting to her, making her shattered heart ache even more.

It’s a bad decision as the second she enters the premises, her eyes fall on the pool table. _Their pool table_. She orders a drink, downs it and then calls Kara who promptly arrives and takes her back home and Alex finally lets it all out, spitting out that goddamn word. ‘ _Soulmates_...there’s no such fucking thing.’

Kara sits and doesn’t say anything, only watches as her sister paces around a slightly emptier apartment - Maggie didn’t really have many belongings but she’ll have surely left with a lot of emotional baggage as a lifetime of firsts had been snatched away from her, just like that.

Over the weeks that pass, no amount of assurances that she’d done the right thing work. Alex still feels like a monster, still feels like the worst person alive when she remembers the look on Maggie’s face, the way that Maggie had pleaded for her to reconsider. Time is not a healer, it only makes the pain worse.

Alex tries to keep herself busy, tries to find fulfilment in looking after Ruby as the young girl’s mother wrecks havoc on National City. It’s another thing that doesn’t help, for it hammers in the message that she’d made a mistake - looking after a kid, even temporarily, just isn’t compatible with her career, how could she possibly be a mom?

That leads her into making a huge decision.

She types up a letter of resignation and is ready to hand it in until J’onn offers her the opportunity of a lifetime.

‘You’re a hero. It’s in your blood. You can’t resign because I want to promote you,’ J’onn smiles. ‘This year I had the most priceless gift. I found my father. I lived with him, I learned from him and he reminded me that the Martian way is to live among the people and to help them, not to hide behind walls like I have been here.’

‘You’re stepping down?’

‘I am,’ he affirms. ‘But I am not leaving you. I would never leave my family. Alex,’ he takes hold of her hands, ‘I want you to run this place, to be the director. With you in charge, I feel the DEO will stay on the right path, protecting this planet and helping those who cannot help themselves. I can’t think of anyone better to take my place because there is no one better.’

 

*

 

Being director is hard.

Of course, she had never thought that it would be easy, not even for a second, but the stress it brings hits her hard as the Vice President scrutinizes her every decision. Yet she perseveres, she has to, if not for the safety of the country then for herself because her career is the only thing she’s got going for her right now, not to mention a nice distraction.

It’s been eleven months.

Eleven long months.

The pain hasn’t subsided, it’s only gotten worse.

She knows she’s made a mistake.

And when she finally spots the woman she still loves at a crowded crime scene, she tries to run.

Maggie doesn’t let her. ‘Danvers?’

Alex swallows hard, forcing that lump down as best as she can before she turns around and meets brown eyes that she used to see her future in. She doesn’t know what to say. She knows the words she wants to say - _I’m sorry, you’re more than enough, please give me another chance_ \- but courage escapes her.

Fortunately, Maggie leads the conversation. ‘I guess that should be _Director Danvers_ now, huh?’ She smiles and it looks genuine. ‘Congrats on the promotion. I can’t think of anyone more deserving.’

‘Thank you,’ Alex manages. ‘That...that really means a lot.’

The formalities end with a nod and a few seconds of awkward silence before its back to work. ‘If you’re here personally investigating an alien murder then I’m going to assume that you know who’s responsible.’

Alex nods. ‘The Children of Liberty.’

Sadness creeps onto Maggie’s features and, for a second, Alex selfishly thinks she’s the reason why. ‘Those sons of bitches killed one of my friends.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Alex says.

Maggie forces a smile. ‘Thanks but pity isn’t going to get us anywhere.’ She bites down on her lip, debating. Then she takes Alex by the elbow and leads her over to her squad car, away from her colleagues. ‘I know things are a little…you know, different between us--.’

‘You can say awkward, it’s okay.’

Maggie laughs. ‘Awkward, yeah.’

At least they were in agreement about something. ‘Right?’

Another laugh. ‘But...since you’re here, wanna work this case together? Compare notes, that sort of thing? We need to stop these bastards before more lives are taken.’

Working together is, once again, how it starts. Over the next month or so, they work towards taking down the Children of Liberty whilst rekindling the friendship that they had before they had anything else. It’s awkward at first, some topics and certain words particularly awkward, but they navigate it and they grow closer. And then Alex, slightly tipsy one night, decides to be honest.

‘I made a mistake, I should never have broken up with you.’

Maggie doesn’t say anything and lets her continue.

‘That time we spent together? That’s the happiest I’ve ever been and I’d give anything to have it back.’

Maggie looks away. ‘Do you still want kids, Alex?’

‘I want kids, yeah but I can live without them. Like I want a million dollars too but I’m fine with the fact that I probably won’t get it.’

A few moments of silence pass before Maggie says it. ‘‘Cause if you still want kids then I’m open to the possibility of having them.’

Alex’s heart leaps. ‘You are?’

‘Yeah, I’ve,’ Maggie picks at a beermat, ‘I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently and I think I would like kids one day, a good few years down the line. It’s never kids that have been the issue per se, it’s always been the fact that they’re a huge responsibility and I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to cope.’ Now she looks up. ‘But with you? I think I could manage...and I think it’d be really fun too.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah but,’ she leans over and places her hand on top of Alex’s. ‘We need to have this conversation tomorrow, in private and when you’re completely sober. Okay?’

They have that conversation and go on a couple of dates before moving back in together.

When Alex proposes a few months later, she does it properly this time, on one knee and with a ring - Maggie, once again, says yes without any hesitation.

 

*  
  


It doesn’t matter how old she gets, she always feels like a kid at Christmas.

And this Christmas, her thirty-six year old self can’t even wait a few more hours for the day itself.

Maggie looks puzzled by the box she’s presented with. ‘Is that for me?’

‘Yes.’

‘And you’re letting me open it before Christmas?

‘Yes.’ Alex had always been a stickler for not opening gifts early, as opening presents in the morning had always been the tradition. This time, though, she can’t help herself. ‘I promise it’s not a trick or anything. It’s just...an extra special gift so I thought I’d let you open it early.’

A curious Maggie accepts the perfectly wrapped box. Her face lights up when she finally gets to what’s inside. She’s at a loss for words. ‘I...wow. I just…’ She’s smiling so big, her dimples occupy half her face. ‘I’ve always wanted one of these.’

‘I know. You told me. Years ago.’

‘I did?’

‘You were slightly high at the time.’ Alex is quick to elaborate. ‘When you dislocated your shoulder.’

‘And you remembered?’

‘Yes because, like I said, you were high and also because this,’ Alex taps the Easybake Oven box, ‘is something that was important to you. And, correct me if I am wrong, I think this may be the exact model that you wanted.’

‘It is,’ Maggie confirms. ‘They don’t make any of these anymore period. How did you get this exact one?’

‘My parents actually got me it for Christmas.’

‘You wanted one too?’

‘Oh, honey, no. Isn’t that apparent by my lack of kitchen skills?’ Alex laughs. ‘No, that’s the thing. I got one but I didn’t want one - my mom clearly wanted to domesticate my little seven year-old self. I never used it but, instead of throwing it out, my mom kept it in the attic for all these years. It’s in perfect working order - I even had Winn take a look at it to make sure it was still safe to use.’

‘This is really sweet. I really don’t know what to say except thank you, and I love you.’ Maggie went in for a kiss then changed her mind at the last second. ‘Actually,’ she jumps to her feet. ‘One second.’ One second is closer to one minute as Maggie runs upstairs, returning with a gift of her own.

Alex fears she’s upset the status quo. ‘You don’t have to. I can wait.’

‘Maybe but I’m not sure that I can.’ The reason behind Maggie’s impatience soon becomes apparent - she just didn’t want Alex to wait any longer.

They’d been trying for a while. After countless appointments, and countless dollars spent, they were starting to wonder if it would ever happen. Alex had initially volunteered to carry their child but she just hadn’t been able to conceive. Then Maggie tried and, after two rounds of IVF, they feared that she wouldn’t either.

But she had.

And Alex now held a positive pregnancy test in her hand.

‘I found out yesterday afternoon and, honestly, it’s been killing me not telling you.’ Tears glisten in Maggie’s eyes. ‘You’re gonna be a mom, Alex. _We’re_ going to be moms.’ They kiss but are interrupted by the soon-to-be sister who pads over, sniffing at the strip of plastic before licking it. Maggie laughs. ‘No, baby, no. You don’t want to lick that.’

Alex pulls the tester away, placing back in the safety of its box before reaching for her pup. ‘You’re going to get a little brother or sister soon.’

Channeling her mama, Gertrude tilts her head.

Alex embraces her furbaby, who’d always be her baby no matter what. ‘You’re going to love them and I know that they’re going to love you too.’

‘The best big sister,’ Maggie chimes in. ‘Just like Alex with Kara.’

‘Oh my god, she’s gonna freak when we tell her.’ They hadn’t told anyone that they were trying, not wishing to jinx things or have anybody feel sorry for them if it didn’t work out. ‘My mom too.’

‘And my Aunt.’

‘J’onn too.’ Telling him would be especially sweet and especially emotional. If he hadn’t intervened in her life, giving her that second chance then her life would’ve been extremely different and Maggieless. ‘I can’t believe this is happening.’ Butterflies were dancing in her stomach as she placed a hand over her wife’s stomach. ‘This is happening, right? I’m not imagining this?’

Maggie puts her hand on top. ‘Nope, it’s real.’ And then she laughs.

Alex feels the small giggle evolve into a belly laugh. ‘What?’

‘It’s a little funny, don’t you think?’

‘What is?’

‘This. Our presents. You giving me an Easybake Oven whilst I’ve got a bun in the oven.’

Except Alex doesn’t laugh.

Instead one word escapes her lips.

‘ _Soulmates_.’


End file.
